Promises, Promises

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TITLE: Scheduler

TYPE: Question

MESSAGE: The release notes have CRITICAL information for this release. Do you PROMISE to read this document?

BUTTONS: Yes/No

Snarky comment: Do I promise? What am I...five? Screw that.

What's wrong here?

1. The tone of this message is simply inexcusable. It's unprofessional and insulting.
   
2. Speaking of insulting, clicking No aborts the installation.
3. Clicking Yes doesn't open the document for you. That would have been nice, wouldn't it?
   
4. Incidentally, there wasn't anything so important in the release notes that I couldn't miss.
   

Source: HomeSeer, beta Insteon plug-in installer

Li'l Help...?

TITLE: Error Message Help

TYPE: Information

MESSAGE: [10060] Connection timed out

NO HELP AVAILABLE!

BUTTONS: OK

Snarky comment: Way back in the 90s, this is the message that appeared when you clicked the Help button on the error message on some program I can't now remember.

What's wrong here?

1. It's frustrating that you have to click Help to find out that there isn't any (help).
2. The icon suggests this is an informational message, while the developer finds it necessary to scream the information (further emphasized by an exclamation point). I'd argue that the window should have a critical icon, while the message itself should just be in sentence case.

So What's the Question?

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TITLE: Install

TYPE: Question

MESSAGE: An older version of DirectX has been detected on your system. This CD contains DirectX 5, the version currently on your system is DirectX 2

BUTTONS: Yes/No

Snarky comment: DirectX 5? OK, so this is an old one. But does that justify the sloppy programming?

What's wrong here?

1. Despite the visual cue, there's no question here. I'll assume it's "Install DirectX 5?"
2. The comma after DirectX 5 doesn't adequately separate the two distinct thoughts here. At the very least, there should be a semicolon; the better solution would be to break that last string into two separate sentences.
3. Period.

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Lotus Notes...

TITLE: Lotus Notes

TYPE: Warning

MESSAGE: Release 4.5.2|June 26, 1997

BUTTONS: OK

Snarky comment: Here I go again, picking on a legacy Lotus Notes release. But it was just such an easy target.

What's wrong here?

1. Believe it or not, this was Notes' About window. In a time when developers and companies were using the About window as an outlet of expression and brand promotion, Lotus took the high (low?) road and kept it simple. I mean really simple. Some might argue too simple.
   
2. Why is this information a warning? Should I exercise caution now that I know what version I'm running? Of course, were I running this software today - a decade later - I could see how this warning would be relevant.
   
3. I have to assume the use of the pipe "delimiter" between the two distinct pieces of information in this window was an editorial oversight.
4. Again with the disabled close button.
   

Source: Lotus Notes 4.5.2 for Windows

Seeing Red

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Snarky comment: OMG, there are errors everywhere! Oh, wait....

What's wrong here?

1. Advanced options are peppered throughout the tabs in this window, but unless they are explicitly enabled, the controls for the advanced options are entirely hidden from view. Enabling these advanced options completely changes the look of the window. Why not just cluster all of the advanced options in a separate section? Actually, my real question is: Why even differentiate them at all?
   
2. The developers of this otherwise fantastic Firefox plug-in made the unusual choice of using red text to label the advanced options (and - exhibiting perhaps a little too much creative license - the Advanced Mode menu item itself). In most applications, red text would highlight errors or problems. Users might confuse the red labels as indicators that something's wrong.
   

Source: All-in-One Sidebar plug-in for Firefox

Let Me Count the Ways

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Snarky comment: Oh, where to begin....

What's wrong here?

1. Red text on brown. Red. Brown. And the red text is smaller than the other text. <sarcasm>That's a good idea.</sarcasm> The end result is that what Inifiniti deems to be the most important point is, ultimately, unreadable.
   
2. IFS (in case you don't know) is Infiniti Financial Services. Did you know that? Should you know that? No. But the myopic folks of Infiniti assume that you do and you should.
   
3. "It is important to note that navigating away..." Oh, come on! Instead: "When you click Authorize, do not leave or close this window until your payment is confirmed."
   
4. While the instructions direct me to verify my account number, the account number is mostly obscured by asterisks. How am I supposed to verify that? I'm not suggesting this security measure is inappropriate - I'm asserting that the copywriter should have coordinated with the developer. And why didn't someone catch this discrepancy in testing?
   
5. Field/label alignment inconsistencies. Even the inconsistencies are inconsistent. In the total line, the label does align vertically, but doesn't align horizontally. It's different everywhere else.
6. Speaking of labels, some colons (and some more space) would be nice.
   
7. I'm not quite sure why the $5.00 fee is underlined. It's not a link.
8. Did I mention red text on brown?

Source: Infiniti Financial Services online payment services

Cannnot Spell

TITLE: Installation Problem

MESSAGE: Cannnot access the database. Could the database be on a location that the current user does not have access to?

BUTTONS: OK

Snarky comment: What are they ending the question in a preposition for?

What's wrong here?

1. The first word in the message is misspelled. The first word!
   
2. It would be far more helpful if the message let me know what database (or file) could not be accessed and where it was supposed to be located.
3. The rhetorical question seems like an odd way of providing (just one) hint at the cause of the problem.

no|pipes

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6-15 characters, no spaces, no dashes, no pipes

Snarky comment: No pipes? Pipes? Really? I|always|use|pipes|in|my|passwords.

What's wrong here?

1. Do your parents use the Internet? Would they know what a "pipe" is? For that matter, would an average 18-year-old know what a "pipe" is (that is, the keyboard kind)?
   
2. These password restrictions seem unusually complicated - more complicated than they really are. Better guidance: "6-15 alphanumeric characters."
   

Source: www.mycokerewards.com

Pop Goes the Message

TITLE: Send to "ME"

TYPE: Critical

MESSAGE: Unable to send message to "ME" because of folloing error:

BUTTONS: OK

Snarky comment: It's almost as if the developer of this app died before finishing the

What's wrong here?

1. I'm not so sure why ME (the somewhat oddly-named message recipient) is in quotes.
2. So the message wasn't sent; why is this a critical error? It should probably just be a warning.
3. "...the following error:"
4. What error? What error keeps me up at night, wondering what happened?
5. The close box is disabled. Why?
   
6. And seriously...what's with that stupid jack-in-the-box icon?
   

Pick Your Poison II: False Start

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Snarky comment: As a technology guy, I suspect that by choosing Flash, I'll enjoy an enhanced online experience. So...I clicked Flash on the previous page. The first enhanced experience: another "click to enter" page. The irony here is that the HTML link on the previous page jumps directly to this site's content.

What's wrong here?

1. This step is entirely unnecessary. There's no new information here, and it's ridiculous that I have to click through yet another step before I can get to this site's actual content.
2. Developers sometimes design stuff that's cool purely for the sake of being cool - regardless of whether it's functional or, perhaps, even intrusive. I'm left to assume here that this developer thought the way they could have the Enter tab pop out using Flash was cool, and that's why it's here. But if it doesn't add function or purpose, that's the wrong reason to do it.
   

Source: www.charmcitycakes.com

Pick Your Poison

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Snarky comment: I don't believe that Duff expects us to order cakes by ingredient...so why do you suppose he thinks we should choose our web experience by technology?

What's wrong here?

1. Does anyone really think that people buying cakes should know what technology they'd prefer to use to learn about Charm City Cakes online? Of course not...that's ludicrous. The developer should check for the necessary Flash plug-in and deliver the site accordingly.
   
2. Unless you know what Flash and HTML (Hyper-Text Markup Language) mean, you're unlikely to even realize that these two "buttons" are clickable options. Does it pass my "Mom" test? Definitely not.
3. All of the above criteria aside, this is nothing more than an antiquated "click to enter" landing page. Aren't these extinct yet?
   

Source: www.charmcitycakes.com

Check, Please...

Snarky comment: Ever heard of a check box?

What's wrong here?

1. The designer of this system must not like to use check boxes for binary options. Instead, this page requires that you click twice to set each option from a list (a list of Yes...or No!), rather than just clicking a check box on or off. The irony here is that the options aren't stated as yes/no questions - they're well-phrased for check box labels (well, except for the colons).
   
2. Speaking of colons: why isn't there one after the first field label?
3. "Allows Guests to vView Events:"
   

Source: HomeSeer

Cancel What?

TITLE: Text Not Found

MESSAGE: No occurrences of:

test

were found in the document.

BUTTONS: OK/Cancel

Snarky comment: What do you suppose Cancel does?

What's wrong here? In this situation, the Cancel button is entirely unnecessary. Clicking Cancel has exactly the same result as clicking OK. Since the concept of canceling is meaningless in this situation, the button simply shouldn't be there.

Pick a Color

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Snarky comment: Want to hazard a guess as to how you page through this list? Don't click Prev or Next. They're not links.

What's wrong here?

1. Cursor-tracking highlights each row as you hover over it. Clicking the row, however, doesn't select it. You have to click the filename. Why even bother with the hover effect, then?
2. File descriptions would be far more helpful than these obscure filenames. What good is a filename when I'm looking for the Quick Start Guide for my DVD Writer?
   
3. Inconsistent use of color for links on a Web page makes it difficult to know what's a link and what isn't. In the list, links are black. In the paging navigation, links are burgundy.
   
4. Give me one good reason why the words Prev and Next aren't links. This just defies logic. You expect these to be links to the previous and next pages, respectively.
5. More importantly, why is it necessary at all to "page through" just thirty items?
   

Source: us.lge.com (LG Electronics USA)

Oh, My Eyes

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Welcome : Rooms & Rates : Amenities : The Story : Reservations : Specials & Packages : Attractions : Itinerary : Directions

Snarky comment: Green on red...it's pretty, but it's incredibly difficult to read. I'm just wondering...has the owner of this business even looked at their site?

What's wrong here?

1. The links that comprise the primary navigation for this Web page are virtually unreadable. The chosen green text on a cranberry canvas offers little contrast for the eye to differentiate the words from the background.
2. Worse yet, text is "highlighted" as burgundy (on cranberry) when you hover over a link.
   

Source: www.darrahhouse.com

Whatever You Do...

TITLE: Installation

TYPE: Critical

MESSAGE: Don't support this platform

BUTTONS: OK

Snarky comment: Now I suppose that there are, in fact, vendors making a conscious (perhaps even political) decision to not support Windows Vista. I can even believe that they might be evangelizing to this effect. This, however, is probably not the best approach to that end.

What's wrong here?

1. This is yet another example of where the work of a developer whose first language is not English wasn't reviewed by someone who speaks English natively. This is one of so many examples from the same product, I'm beginning to think that C-Media used Babelfish to do the English translations for them.
2. Proper English or not, there should be a period at the end of this...demand.

Source: C-Media PCI Audio Installation Program

No Update for You!

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TITLE: KB931836 Setup Error

TYPE: Critical

MESSAGE: Update cannot be installed as a newer or same timezone update has already been installed on the system

BUTTONS: OK

Snarky comment: This message was generated from a Windows XP upgrade for the new Daylight Savings Time this year. Shame on you, Microsoft. No soup for you!

What's wrong here?

1. And here I thought I was running the KB931837 Setup, not the KB931836 Setup. My bad! Really, is that title supposed to have meaning for the average user?
2. Some punctuation would be very helpful sometimes I like ice cream. Oh wait! I get it! This is one of those Create Your Own Adventures...except with punctuation. Cool. But really, the meaning of the message changes depending on where one chooses to insert punctuation.
3. Why is the fact that this update has already been run deemed critical?
   

Source: Windows XP Daylight Savings Time Patch

Dumb Question

TITLE: Directory doesn't exist

MESSAGE: Directory doesn't exist. Attempt to create?

BUTTONS: Yes/No

Snarky comment: First of all, what directory doesn't exist? But more importantly, doesn't this seem backwards? It's a common practice in installation software to ask permission before creating a new folder. Why? In contrast, I don't usually get asked about messing with my registry, littering my desktop and Start menu with useless icons, or hijacking my preferred file associations - yet that happens all the time! Wouldn't it be more useful to ask before installing into a folder that does exist?

What's wrong here?

1. The title should be in title case.
2. The title is repeated in the message itself.
3. 1988: "directory;" 2007: "folder."
   
4. "Attempt" suggests that failure is an option. Not a good message to send.
   
5. Create what? Life? Energy? Could somebody find me an object? Even a pronoun will do.
6. All else aside, this message is entirely unnecessary and simply slows down the installation process.
   

Source: Setup program

Office Enthusiasm

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TITLE: [Organization] OfficeXP Installation

MESSAGE: [In very large text:] Installation Complete!
Press OK to restart the computer!

BUTTONS: OK

Snarky comment: This message announces the completion of a corporate upgrade for Office! Restarting isn't necessary, though! Office installations don't require restarting! But this installation script does!

What's wrong here?

1. OfficeXP is not a word...or even a trademark. Office XP is.
2. There are very few occasions when it's necessary (or appropriate) to increase or in any way change the default text size in a message box. This is not one of them.
3. The IT person who created this installation script expresses way too much excitement about this upgrade. The exclamation points are simply annoying.
4. Why require a restart when Microsoft's own Office installation program does not?
5. Press keys, click buttons.
   
6. And what's with the abnormally large OK button? Is that so I don't miss it when I "press" it?

Source: Custom corporate upgrade script for Microsoft Office

Oopsie Daisy

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Whoops
Unable to view this file (GP)

Snarky comment: In this vast expanse of whitespace, the problem can best be stated with one, short word: "Whoops." Frankly, I'm surprised they left out the exclamation point.

What's wrong here?

1. Generally, I don't believe there's much place for interjections in software messages.
2. What's "GP?" Gargantuan Problem? I imagine it's some code that should help me determine what's wrong. It doesn't.

Source: Quick View Plus viewer for Internet Explorer

Empty Threats

TITLE: Paint

TYPE: Warning

MESSAGE: [] []   [] [] [] untitled[]   [] [] [] [] [] ?

BUTTONS: Yes/No/Cancel

Snarky comment: Warning: You [][][] [][][][][] [][] lose [][][][][][][][][][]. [][]?

What's wrong here?

1. I'm not sure of the cause, but what should be letters forming words are instead rendered as boxes (a substitute in Windows for undefined characters in a given font).
2. If this message were more helpfully titled (e.g., "Exit Paint"), I might have a better idea of what this message was trying to say.

Source: Paint, Microsoft Windows XP

No Used Your Standards

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NIST Organizational Units
Corresponding to your Query

[Empty dropdown list]

No matched your query. It is possible that no group at NIST is working on a project relating to this subject or one of the search terms was misspelled. Please return to the main search page and enter another query.

Snarky comment: I received this message as the result of performing a search. This is how our National Institute of Standards and Technology represents itself?

What's wrong here?

1. The heading "Search Results" would probably be better than "NIST Organizational Units Corresponding to your Query." Organizational Units? Really?
2. Incorrect use of English in "No matched your query." English certainly has well-known standards for grammar.
3. The dropdown list is empty. Hey, there oughtta be a standard to check for empty user interface components. If empty, they could be populated with "No results" or simply disabled.
4. The little NIST footer image (just above the Feedback link) is odd, not unlike an Etch-A-Sketch drawing. Do you think that complies with NIST's logo usage standards?
5. Feedback? How about following some standards?

Source: www.nist.gov, circa 2005

Help! Help!

Help
   Help
   Version Info.

Snarky comment: Standards? We don't need no stinkin' standards. We'll name our damned menu items anything we'd like.

What's wrong here?

1. The Help item appears a little redundant in the Help menu. The thing is, it's not...it's just poorly named. Better: "Help Contents" or "RM-TP100 Help" [hey, you can't blame me for the name of the product].
2. I'm not sure what offends me more: the odd alternative for "About..." or the period after the abbreviation for "information." I know this punctuation is, technically, correct - it just looks out of place.
3. If they're going to use unusual or nonstandard names for menu items, at least they could capitalize them correctly. Menu items should be in title case, not sentence case.

Source: Sony RM-TP100 remote controller configuration software

Unnecessary Inconvenience

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Snarky comment: To access the Internet at this hotel, you must create an online account and provide all kinds of personal information. Yes, you read that correctly. Even if you're only ever going to use their high-speed Internet service this one time, you still must create a permanent account, which you will likely never use again. Thanks for putting me through that.

What's wrong here?

1. Asking people to create an account for what is most likely a one-time use is so far beyond most people's inconvenience threshold, it's inconceivable [but perhaps that word doesn't mean what I think it means].
2. Help me understand why they need my address. My phone? E-mail? Talk about a whole lot of unnecessary information to get Internet access for a day. Especially when they have all of this information already at the front desk.
3. You'd think they'd bother to describe which fields are required. Thankfully, not all of the fields are required. I found this out by submitting the form blank.

Source: Rosen Plaza Hotel High Speed Internet Access (Orlando, FL)

Double Trouble

TITLE: Macromedia Fireworks 8

TYPE: Warning

MESSAGE: An internal error occurred.
An internal error occurred.

BUTTONS: OK

Snarky comment: It would be helpful if this were more informative. It would be helpful if this were more informative.

What's wrong here?

1. The error message repeats.
   
2. So what? Here's what I really need to know: Does this, in any way, affect what I'm trying to do, and can I do anything about it? If not...I don't care.

Source: Macromedia Fireworks 8

Not Dead Yet

TITLE: Quincy Non-fatal Error

MESSAGE: Cannot Open Quincy Log File

Press OK to Browse for new directory

Windows Error Code = Access is denied.

BUTTONS: OK

Snarky comment: Quincy rears his ugly head again, but this time he fails to strike a fatal blow. Didn't we just go through this? And why isn't Notes capable of rendering its own errors?

What's wrong here?

1. Presumably, Quincy is the name of some subsystem or component that Notes uses, but I shouldn't be expected to know this.
   
2. I'd argue that it's unnecessary to label an error as "non-fatal." For that matter, labeling one as "fatal" is equally disturbing. The developer should simply state the problem and possible next steps: "Notes cannot access the file. Click OK and browse to the folder containing the file."
3. Unnecessary capitalization of "browse."
4. More debug jargon in the regurgitated Windows error code.
   

Source: Lotus Notes

Quincy's Morgue

TITLE: Quincy Fatal Error

MESSAGE: Cannot Open Quincy Log File

Window Error Code = There are no more files.

BUTTONS: OK

Snarky comment: You might think this error occurred while using a program called Quincy. You'd be wrong.

What's wrong here?

1. What's Quincy? This message box appeared while using Lotus Notes.
   
2. Could this message be more obtuse? Not only do I have no idea what this means, but I have no idea what to do about it...or why I should care.
   
3. Windows Error Code = ...? It looks to me like some programmer forgot to turn off or remove the debugging messages from the program.
4. Why is the close box disabled? What further harm could I possibly do at this point by clicking the close box?
   

Source: Lotus Notes

GIANT Inconsistencies

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Snarky comment: So if I show up at 11:02 pm on Saturday can I still buy stuff?

What's wrong here?

1. It is not clear when the store is open. The "Open 24 Hours" label would intuitively indicate a Yes/No answer. Instead hours are listed. The label and value should be consistent. The timeframe listed does not indicate that the store is open 24 hours (unless of course, it is implying that the store is open for some 24 hour timeframe between Monday and Saturday).
2. 6:am and 11:pm are not standard time indicators. I considered that perhaps the "00"s were accidentally truncated. But in the hours listed in Pharmacy Hours and Chevy Chase Bank Hours, there are no am/pm indicators. Also, it seems that the store Pharmacy and Bank (inside the store) are open on Sunday but the store itself may not be. Hmm.
   
3. In the links on the left, the "K" in KIDS' Corner is about the same color as the background. And the "IDS' Corner" just isn't anywhere I want to visit. This left navigation area also seems oddly organized, as it assumes that the first thing (implying relevancy) is the BabyZone.

Source: www.giantfood.com

Lose File on Exit, Step 2

TITLE: FreeHand 7.0

TYPE: Question

MESSAGE: Save changes to Images Letterhead.FH7?

BUTTONS: Don't Save/OK/Cancel

Snarky comment: Miss your opportunity to lose your unsaved work in the last step? Don't fear...it could still happen. This is the message that FreeHand displays if you clicked Review on the last message.

What's wrong here?

1. Again, remember your mental model for this situation: "Do you want to save...? Yes/No/Cancel." You click the first button because that's where you expect to find the button that will result in saving your document. Doh! You just clicked Don't Save. The actual button order on this dialog is essentially No/Yes/Cancel. Bad design. Very bad.
2. Again, the message box is poorly named. Better: "Save Document."
   
3. Again, Cancel shouldn't have a shortcut key - pressing ESC should close this message box and keep the program open.
   

Source: FreeHand 7.0

Lose File on Exit, Step 1

TITLE: FreeHand 7.0

TYPE: Question

MESSAGE: There are unsaved documents. Quit anyway?

BUTTONS: Quit/Review/Cancel

Snarky comment: Warning! If you jump off this building, you will likely suffer serious injury or death. Jump? Jump/Consider Alternatives/Never Mind

What's wrong here?

1. What might have seemed like a perfectly reasonable move to some developer actually has the opposite of the desired effect. Close your eyes and think about this: How do most Windows programs prompt you to save your document(s) if you try to close the program before saving your work? No, really...close your eyes. In most cases, its something like, "Do you want to save...? Yes/No/Cancel." The message prompts you to do the safest thing, and the first (and default) button presents the safest option: Yes, I want to save. Unfortunately, this cautionary message completely violates the mental model that Windows users have formulated for this situation. Your instinct here is to press the first button because you expect that it's the safe Yes option. But it's not. Not here. In this case, following that instinct closes FreeHand and saves nothing. Your work is lost.
   
2. Even more frustrating: this step is entirely unnecessary. Why even ask someone if they want to be asked about saving their documents? This is the software equivalent of, "Can I ask you a question?" Sure, but you just did.
3. A more contextually relevant message title would be helpful. My suggestion: "Exit FreeHand" would remind people what's about to happen.
   
4. Cancel doesn't need (and shouldn't have) a shortcut key. Instead, pressing the ESC key should have the same effect as clicking Cancel.

Source: FreeHand 7.0

It's Dead, Jim

MESSAGE: DBPROCESS is dead or not enabled.

BUTTONS: OK/Details.../System Info...

Snarky comment: Dead? What...did somebody kill it?

What's wrong here?

1. DBPROCESS is likely a service, but this is way too much jargon for your garden variety Windows user. I'd assert that this should be included in the available details. A better message: "Unable to access the database. Click Details for more information."
   
2. "Dead" is so...violent. So permanent. Such poor word choice.
   
3. No chrome. This is yet another message box that lacks a title bar; that's bad because you can't move it around. What if I wanted to move it aside to compare some information in the window it now blocks with the information in the window that appears when I click Details? [They do get props for offering Details and System Information to help troubleshoot the problem.]